Delirium

Victoria Park, Guido Fawkes. Fucked. Firecrackers, burning stars, anarchists, celebrate. East London, curious night, beautiful ladies, linguini, confusion, blurry, flurry, fury, wind, cold, mittens, holding hands, the anarchist was tried and then he killed himself. Blitz. Hope. Fight. Win. Lose. hope some more. No more suprises please. I’ve got a tiny smile hidden away for you. Just come back home to me.

Acquiesce

an excerpt:

Im drowning in tumultuous waves of happiness and despair. It ebbs and flows, teasing me, pleasing me, allowing the damp grains of sand to run through my toes, but I fall through the slippery grains, its quicksand, and I am swept away into the dark ocean, filled with dark secrets and an enticing desire for death. I want it all to be a part of my play. I don’t want to watch it burn down slowly, as I become infirm and allow the bi polar plague take over in my dying days. I need to save myself and save everyone around me.

I know I’m about to do something wrong. I am about to covet my neighbours husband. Sweet Marie. She has no idea how her husband looks at me with quiet fascination. Sometimes I change without shutting my blinds. I know he stares from his bedroom, straight into mine. Small queens streets lets us all share our deepest secrets through the sexy glow of a quiet lamp. Sometimes I stand there and let him devour the contours of my breasts. My beautiful brown breasts. I light a cigarette, open the window and let the chilly air caress my body as he stands speechlessly staring.

this is what i like to do

a meaningful moment with a tiny thing who has no idea how much power she holds over me. the scented monsoon winds brush by us and the skies grey as we sit in front of the bungalow, chatting. i love tea gardens..

A Journey

I glance around nervously, noticing how beautiful everyone looks. The music is loud, the beat shaking every tissue of my body. Voiceless chatter fills up every corner of the bar, stifling my sense of security. Everyone seems to be enrapt in serious conversation or flirtatious banter until I saunter into the room, friendless. All eyes turn my way. Through the smoke they look me up and down. The women are judgmental. Harsh. They think I look cheap and skanky. Hostile looks sear through my skin making me feel naked. The men undress me with their eyes. My knees feel shaky. I shouldn’t have come. I turn around to flee this cage….and then all of a sudden….

my left shoulder jerks up.

And then my right.

Its almost as though, OH NO!

My left knee.

How embarrassing!

My entire body is twisting into weird positions.

Suddenly, I can feel my head lean backwards in slow motion, inhaling,

And before I can stop myself, I belt out

‘LETS DO THE TWIST!!!’

I cant stop shaking my whole body to Chubby Checker! Im on the dance floor, all by myself, everyone watching me…but I just love this one song tooo much! One by one, people start hopping onto the wooden floor, giving me a shy nod and so I wave back as my body convulses to the beat, and then I realize, I can push all of these worrisome voices out of my head,

and

just BE!!!

(for 'Journeys'!!!)